Bacon Gone Bad
by H.M. Thousands
Summary: With Max's date with Sam approaching Fang's not feeling well. He's sure that it's because the bacon's gone bad. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a quick piece, probably a two shot. Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Lalalala No suey, me no owny**

The bacon had gone bad. That was the only explanation I had to why my stomach was churning, flip flopping like Gazzy cannon balling into the pool. It definitely wasn't because Max had a date tonight, with _him._ It wasn't because I've been dying to be that guy for years. The one that holds her hand, kisses her lips and witnesses her smile. But nooo, it had to be Sam. But I wasn't jealous, not a bit. In fact I didn't care at all. The only reason my stomach was flopping excessively was because I ate bad bacon this morning.

**OoOoOo**

The clock ticks both too slow and too fast at the same time. I can, hear the sounds of giggling coming from Max's room. Nudge and Angel's squeals fill the air. I glance at the clock, for the seventh time in the last ten minutes.

"Will you please stop staring at the clock as if it killed your puppy," Gazzy exclaims from across the room, perched on the top bunk of the bed Iggy and him shared. I glare at him, I'm too manly for puppies, if anything I would own a eagle or something.

"He's doing it again isn't he, the thing where he stares and nothing for minutes," Iggy asks Gasman, even though his blue eyes are staring at me. That kid is so creepy sometimes.

"No Iggy I'm not doing _that thing_!" I snap, causing them to succumb to giggling fits. Wow, big words, I give myself a pat on the back.

"Looks like it's someones time of the month," Iggy wiggles his eyebrows.

"Please just leave me alone." My voice sounds desperate, even to myself. Iggy and Gazzy look at me with concern. Damn, I must be a pretty pathetic sight. I mean these kids have been karate kicking everything since they were in diapers. Their motto was _If it moves, it dies. _"It's all your fault you know," I point at Iggy even though he can't see me. "You made the fuggin bacon bad." I storm out of the room, hoping a fly would clear my head.

Just as the doorbell rings.

_Him_

"Fang can you get the door!" Max shouts from her room. Well, since you asked_ sooo_ politely. I drag my feet all the way to the door, hoping that if I take long enough he would leave. But since the universe and everything in it hates me I open the door to Sam's smiling _I'm was a Boy Scout and love puppies _face.

"Hey, is Max here?" He asks a little too happily. _No she moved to Taiwan dumbutt, _I bite back my retort and settle with killing him with my eyes instead.

"She's coming." I'm pretty sure I spit in his face. By accident of course, there is no way I would let my spit touch is grossly happy face. I spend so much time glaring that I don't notice the fact that I'm blocking the door, leaving Boy Scout and I standing in the doorway. Hmmm, should I let him in or not?

Pro: We won't be awkwardly standing together.

Con: I'm letting my kinda-sorta-mortal-enemy into my territory. Big no no.

Pro: Max won't kill me for leaving her boyfriend *puke* outside.

Con: Max is cute when she's mad.

I don't get to finish my list because at that moment I hear what sounds like an elephant stampede run towards me. Whipping around I look across the couch to see the cause of the thundering footstep. Turns out it it wasn't elephants, just three girls and a pair of combat boots. I plan on rolling my eyes in annoyance, but then I see Max.

She looks amazing. Seriously jaw-dropping. She has on jeans with rips in the knees, from an Eraser fight not an Aerocrombie outlet, a black t-shirt with studs on the shoulders and brown combat boots. Wow. I can feel my brain short circuiting. Then guess what happens, that's right. She smiles at me. An actual lights up her eyes kind of smile. I feel the corners of my mouth turn up slowly.

"Hey Sam." She walks past me. _Crackle_, you know what sound that is? It's the sound of my heart be crushed under the heel of her stupid combat boot. Hahaha, I'm kidding, it's not like I'm in love with her.

"Yes you are. Ugghhh! You are so stubborn!" Angel glares at me, with a fierce anger in her eyes. She points a disriminating finger at me, looking as menacing as a little girl could. Which is surprisingly a lot. "You do and you know it. Stubborn like a donkey." She murmurs, stalking down the hall. There were definitely ups and downs to having a mind reading sister, well mostly downsides.

"What was that about?" Max raises her eyebrows in my direction. Looking more annoyed than concerned.

"Nothing." I say, not bothering to look at her before turning away. "Don't let it disturb your date," spitting I close the door, leaving a confused Max on the other side.

**OoOoOoOo**

Where is the damn bacon. Flipping through the fridge and cupboards I can't find the damn bag of bacon. It's exactly been thirty four minutes since Max and Boy Scout left, the computer and TV are both incompetent (big word, pat on the back for Fang) at keeping me entertained and the only option left is bacon.

"Iggy! Where did you put the bacon!" I scream, hmm maybe ice cream would be a good substitute.

"You mean this bacon and ice cream?" Angel appears behind me, holding a bag of beautifully processed meat with a tub of ice cream tucked under her arm. Blinking up at me from under her lashes she tries to play innocent. Not gonna work. I lunge for her, determined to get the bacon. She laughs, wings bursting from her back, and flys to perch on top of the cupboards. "You just have to tell me about Max and you, then you'll get your bacon back," ha, joke's one her! I have wings too! Flying up I reach for my bacon.

Bang! Oww! Who put the roof there? I try to reach but I can't, unless I want to get a concussion. "Tell me the truth about you and Max or else you're not gonna get your bacon back," she sings, opening up the ice cream and licking the lid. "Mmmm," I have to say the concussion is looking like pretty good option right about now. "So yummy," Angel says, a little bit of ice cream smudged on her cheek. She grins like a maniac.

"Fine I give up, I'll tell you about Max." Angel smiles, a real one this time, like a cat that's just been fed.

"Wait till I get down," leaving the bacon and ice cream on the cupboard tops she descends slowly. Panic clouds my mind.

"What about me food?!"

"Think of it like insurance, when you tell me I'll give it back," Her chubby arms are crossed in front of her chest. I stick out my hand, like someone making a business deal.

"Here's what's happening between me and Max. Ilikeher," I blurt out the last part. "She's smart, well kinda, she can kick major butt, she's pretty and sarcastic and she looks out for all of us." Wow, I really need to learn to shut up. "But I know she doesn't like me so don't say anything alright?" I'm pretty sure my eyes have the same panicked look as someone going through drug withdrawal.

"I won't, I promise" Angel has a scary look in her eye. But I stupidly choose to ignore it. She walks out of the room, little hips swaying.

How great, I just spilled my feelings to a big mouthed, mind reading girl. Someone pass the damn bacon.

**p.s If you guys know a good Beta, or are a great Beta and might be interested PM me kay?**

**Till next time. R&amp;R**

**Thousands**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey. It's been forever. Here's the last bit! Enjoy.**

I'm gonna be fat. That's my plan now, I'm gonna stuff my face with bacon and ice cream until my stomach explodes. At least death by bacon would be a gloriously wonderful way to go. It's has been an hour and a half since Max left with he-who-shall-not-be-named, and I have finished off two tubs of Ben and Jerry's and a bag of bacon. My acclaimed (yay big word, point Fang) six pack has now been stuffed into a three and a half pack. Don't ask how you can have a half pack, it just happened. "Ugh," I groan, I'm not sure I can take much more, more ice cream that is. But I'm the amazing and wondrous Fang, and bacon is no enemy. Determined to eat as much as I can I continue to stuff my face, trying to drown my despair in greasy food.

My plan was going quite well, down to two packs now, until the door slammed. I heard stomping that could only be caused be combat boots, or an elephant on steroids. I strain my ears a little towards the door of my room, hoping I can catch a word of what Max seems to be mumbling.

"Stupid... ridiculous.. error of judgement.. strangle him." Well, I smile a little. Couldn't have been a good date. Part of me wants to storm out and tell Max how I told her so, well most of me that is, but I look down at my stomach and see only half a pack remaining and make the decision to only leave my room after I got at least four packs back. Worst decision of my life.

**OoOoOo**

"Hey Max," I saunter into the living room. "How was your _date_?" I sneer the last word, barely able to contain myself. I was sore all over, and I was pretty sure the back of my head was bruised from sit ups, but I feel so much better. Almost even great, but Fang doesn't feel _great._

"Fine," Max murmurs, I can't see anything but the dirty blonde of her hair because she keeps her head down and eyes trained on her shoes. I sit down on the love seat across from where she is perched on the couch, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Honestly speaking I don't think I've smiled so much all my life, but Max's date sucked! If that wasn't a reason to crack a grin what would be?

"Come on, give me all the details. Is he a good kisser?" I mimic Nudge's voice, squealing a little more than necessary. Max smirks a little bit before tilting her head up to look me in the eye.

"Is there a particular reason you're so happy?" She blushes a little bit and suddenly it's kind of hard to breathe.

"Not really," I finally manage to stutter out.

"I guess I just wanted this to be the First Date. The one where everything goes perfectly, but I guess to go on a perfect date you have to be with the right guy." Swallow, breath, blink repeat. I have to remember to do these simple things. The right guy, it could be me right? I try not to get my hopes up to high but it's kind of hard when she's staring at me with those big doe eyes, and her hair is just catching the fading sunlight.

"I get it, I wouldn't want to go out with anyone but my perfect girl," I hope she can understand the signals I'm trying so desperately to send her, but at the same time I pray she doesn't. She smiles, a real smile, a really big smile.

"Who's your perfect girl?" I gulp, not knowing what to say. Until I hear a little snigger from the corner, and see four heads poking out from behind the wall. Suddenly I feel both embarrassed and grateful, at least I didn't have to answer her question. Pushing myself up from the seat I ignore Max's quiet giggles (since when did Max giggle) and stalk over to the four little troublemakers, who were all smart enough to run back into their rooms. All except Angel, who greets me with a big smile. It worries me.

"Sorry Fang, but I had to do it," She says innocently. Oh gosh what did she do? She smiles and disappears behind the corner, giggling all the way. I turn back to Max, who looks at me no less curiously than before.

"So?" She continues, a slightly scary glint in her eyes. "Who's your perfect girl? What's she like?"

"Ummm ummm," I stammer, unable to get the words that have been stuck in my throat for the last couple of months. What should I say? Why are my palms sweaty? Where is the bacon?

"Is she blonde?" Max asks. I nod, feeling utterly demented and speechless. "Does she like combat boots?" Swallow. Nod. "Does she have wings?" Nod.

"I'm gonna guess Angel told you. And don't worry I promise I won't let it affect our friendship, or the kids. I'm sorry about it, I'm sure the feelings will go away... eventually," I trip over my own tongue, trying to fix the problem when a miracle happens. She leans in and kisses me. Slow and soft and perfect in every way. I feel like I'm hallucinating, probably cause of the bad bacon. Thank god for bacon (and meddling girls).

**Review! **


End file.
